The split up of a family, with or without children, is never easy.  We often find that couples begin to argue and play tug of war over things that never mattered until now.  Suddenly your spouse wants that dish set in the divorce but she hated it throughout the duration of your marriage.  Now your spouse wants that wall hanging that he hated from the day you brought it home.  Divorce is like that.  The aggravations of the situation can spill over into the non-essential.  So, what do you do to keep your sanity? Here are some ways to simplify your divorce, even in the midst of chaos.

• Leave it – can you live without something that seems to mean so much to the other person? Ask yourself why that item matters to you (and your ex) so much? Can you replace it? Have you been using it or will you even notice if you don’t have it?  Ask these questions of yourself and remember that if you can replace it, it has no true sentimental value, is not an heirloom of some sort, it could be worth letting it go.  An example: your ex really wants that artwork in your office, however he/she hated it when you brought it home, which is why it’s hanging in your home office, rather than living room walls.  Does he/she want it because it matters to you? Is it because it will always be a part of your marriage that he/she can hold on to, knowing it mattered to you? Is it because he/she wants to get under your skin?

Don’t be so quick to judge about why the other party wants something that matters to you.  If you can part with it, maybe you should.  This is one way to simply the process of your divorce because it limits the arguing back and forth and allows you to move on with your life.

• Forget about it – are you taking out your anger on your ex by fighting over something your ex really wants? If that’s the case, forget about the item and focus on the reason for your anger.  Fighting over material items will only delay your ability to move on without that part of your past that’s causing your anger.

• Focus – rather than spending time on the material things that can be replaced, try to focus on your family, your friends, your job or the other things that make you happy.  It can be a good time to take up a new hobby.  If you have children, you can involve them in a new hobby.  This takes the focus off the material things being divided in the divorce and helps you put your attention on other things.

• Don’t Sweat It – If you believe you will lose the items you have wanted so much, let your lawyer handle these.  Do not continue to argue with your ex about this.  It’s better to make sure your attorney knows the items that you really would like to keep from the divorce so she can negotiate on your behalf.  She will have the ability to fight for you so you can focus on other things.

• Take it – If you believe something is really worth fighting over, take the issue of this item to your attorney.  Explain the true importance of the item and let her know you would like to get this in the division of the property.  She can work on this from the beginning rather than when other issues may be also occurring.

Remember that divorce is never easy and it can take a while to work through these issues emotionally.  If you find yourself in a situation where you need advice for a divorce, custody, or other family legal proceeding, contact our office.  Christine has over 20 years of experience working with families to help restore a sense of balance and peace.