Paying Child Support Without a Court Order: What Parents Need to Know

Paying child support without a court order is a question that comes up often in my family law practice. It can arise anytime parents are living separately, whether they were married, are going through a divorce, or were never married.

Here is a common scenario:

You’ve moved out of the home and you’re certain the relationship cannot be saved. You and the other parent have children together, but neither of you has filed anything with the Court yet. There is no divorce order, parenting order, or child support order telling either of you how much support should be paid.

So what should you do?

Do I Have to Pay Child Support Without a Court Order?

If there is no child support order in place, there is not yet a court-ordered payment amount that can be enforced against you in the same way an existing child support order can be.

But that does not mean ignoring your child’s financial needs is a good idea.

Practically speaking, children are entitled to financial support from their parents. If one parent has moved out, the parent remaining with the children may suddenly be handling most of the everyday expenses — housing, food, clothing, school expenses, medical costs, and everything else that comes with raising children.

Waiting for the other parent to file a court case before contributing can create unnecessary financial and legal problems later.

It is also important to understand that the rules concerning retroactive child support can depend upon the state, the type of case, and when legal proceedings were initiated or served. If you are concerned that retroactive support may be an issue in your case, talk with a family law attorney about your specific circumstances rather than assuming that voluntary payments will automatically resolve the issue.

What If I’ve Already Been Paying Support?

This is where documentation becomes extremely important.

Suppose we have a parent named Michael. When Michael moved out, he and his former partner agreed informally that he would send money every two weeks to help with their daughter’s expenses. He did that faithfully for several months.

Then their relationship deteriorated.

By the time a child support case was filed, the two parents disagreed about how much Michael had actually contributed.

Fortunately, Michael had used checks and electronic transfers and had kept records showing the payments he made.

If you voluntarily pay support before or while a child support case is pending, keep records of every payment. Depending upon the circumstances and applicable law, evidence of payments already made may become very important when the Court determines what is owed.

I Paid in Cash. The Other Parent Says It Never Happened. What Can I Do?

I have always told my clients: keep a receipt, pay by check, use an electronic transfer, or have some other form of written proof.

Cash is simply a bad way to pay child support.

You may know that you handed the other parent $500, but if the other parent denies receiving it, proving that payment can become extremely difficult.

If you have already paid support in cash, gather whatever evidence you can. Text messages, emails, bank withdrawals, receipts, or other communications may become relevant. An attorney can also determine whether additional evidence may be available through the discovery process.

The easiest solution, however, is prevention. Going forward, make support payments in a way that creates a clear record showing how much you paid, when you paid it, and what the payment was for.

Does Child Support Have to Come Directly From My Paycheck?

Not necessarily, but the answer depends upon where your support order is entered and the terms of that order.

For example, New Hampshire law generally provides for income assignment of child support when an order is entered. There are circumstances in which parents may have another payment arrangement, including certain court-approved agreements.

Massachusetts also has procedures for child support payments and income withholding through Child Support Services.

This is an area where parents should be careful about simply creating their own informal arrangement. A payment method that seems convenient today can create problems later if one parent claims payments were missed or the parents disagree about what a particular payment represented.

An attorney can help you establish an arrangement that provides a reliable payment history and protects both parents.

Should We Just Handle Child Support Between Ourselves?

Sometimes parents separate on relatively good terms and believe they can work everything out themselves.

And sometimes they can — at least for a while.

The problem is that circumstances change.

One parent begins a new relationship. Someone loses a job. Parenting time changes. A child develops additional expenses. Communication between the parents deteriorates. Suddenly, an informal arrangement that worked perfectly well six months ago becomes the source of a serious disagreement.

Most importantly, children should never become casualties in a battle between their parents.

Having a properly calculated and documented child support arrangement can give both parents clarity about their responsibilities and reduce the chances of future disputes.

Have a different situation or questions about paying or receiving child support? Email me here or call (978) 225-0661 to discuss your matter.

Can I Handle a Child Support Case Without Hiring a Lawyer?

You are allowed to represent yourself in a family law matter. The better question is whether doing so makes sense in your particular situation.

Child support issues can become complicated quickly, especially when there are disagreements about income, previous payments, parenting time, health insurance, childcare expenses, arrears, or what should happen while a divorce or parenting case is pending.

We have another article explaining when it may be time to consult with an attorney about divorce.

Our office also offers a zoom consultation. You can contact us for a consultation here.

If you are paying child support without a court order, receiving informal support from the other parent, or are concerned about what may happen once a child support case is filed, it is worth understanding your rights and obligations before a disagreement develops.

If you have experienced this issue or have questions about child support or another family law matter in New Hampshire or Massachusetts, contact our office. Email Christine at christine@cdglegal.com or call (978) 225-0661 to discuss your situation.